I Still Lost Myself

Yo reader and stalker (if any la lol)

If you guys been following my site you might still remember on my previous post where's i set myself to get my life back on track but the truth is things weren't easy for me to handle and to be honest i still lost myself..

Those who knows the real story you might be thinking that I'm such a crybaby or weak but you shouldn't judge someone's struggle if you're not in their shoes. Everyone born with different level of patience. Things that look simple to you may be hard for other to get it through and at some point my emotions get the best of me.

It just a matter of waiting but sometime it was too hard for me to handle. I waited everyday checking my phone hoping there's a good news and yet no good news. It's been four months now and recently i got news that the case has been delay to another one month, mean i still need to wait which i don't know for sure until when. There's no telling! I keep saying to myself to keep going and stay stronger but at the end of day i messed up. I cried alot, i ate alot and gain weight, sleepless almost everynight, rarely exercise and i wasting my time doing nothing. It was just like everyday is a lazy day for me. That was not me. Not what i  used to be. But luckily I'm doing my job just fine otherwise they will kick me out. Sigh.

To be honest I'm not upset because of the day that I've been waiting for got postponed. I just miss him so damn much. I never been in this situation before. I thought it took only two to three weeks then things were settled. Simple as that. I didn't expect it'll be this longer and I'm not fully prepared so don't blame me for being upset, childish or ridiculously unmatured. But one thing for sure I'm trying my best to handle whatever it is and I'll be waiting. So dear respective favorite person (though i knew you won't be able to read this yet) please don't keep me waiting any longer and get your ass out from there, asap! 

And this Covid19 pandemic stressing me out. I don't like being at home i don't like work from home. Wouldn't it best to stay at home and getting paid? Yeah. That is what i thought before but i changed my mind. After awhile been in this situation, i want everything back to normal. Back to what it used to be because i'm getting bored here and i started talking with myself hahaha but wait, i'm not crazy yet. Just bored!